Sep 19, 2011


Hey girlies,

You know how I claim I'm not a cryer? How I could never be an actress, because crying on demand is next to impossible for me?

Yeah. I think I've changed. Holy hot tears, I've been a wreck lately! Should I start with my worst moment and work up?

Very worst moment: yesterday. We're skyping with Dad to wish him a happy birthday, and you all know how my kids are on Skype. I love them dearly, but they fail at that. Well, yesterday I think they earned a C+! Juliette only unplugged the computer once. They sang Happy Birthday nice and loud. Liam shared his chair pretty well. But I was feeling bad--mostly like a bad mom, which pretty much makes me feel bad all over. And then Liam accidentally whammed me in the jaw. Hard. And I got teary from the tongue-biting pain, and naturally, that whack in the jaw was the perfect excuse to say a quick goodbye to Dad and go hide in my closet to wail about how out of control my life has felt lately. I feel much better now, and I promise you don't need to worry about me. ;)

Okay, I guess that was the only very bad moment. On Saturday I cried because the weather changed. (Actually, maybe you do need to worry.) Yep, the air was really damp, gray, and the perfect degree of chilly, so naturally it made me homesick for Christmas in Germany.

"Emma, I really want to have one more Christmas in Germany where we're all together," I told her randomly while driving.

Enter blurry vision.

Just saying that made me get choked up and want to put on my favorite scarf and tall boots and go home to Germany right then! I couldn't stop thinking about how Mom and Dad are probably going to move away from Germany in the next three years or so, and that maybe I'll only go there again once or twice before they come back to the States. I realized how sad it's going to be when I don't have a home in Germany to go to. So, so, SO sad.

I cried quite a bit in the car about that. And thank goodness for Emma, because if she hadn't put her hand on my back, I think that cry fest could have gotten even more out of control. I don't think listening to that "Never Grow Up" song by Taylor Swift helped much.

A few nights before that, Emma and her Sister in Law, Ashley, and I went to see "The Help" while they were visiting. Best cry movie ever! I loved it and left the theater with streaks in my makeup because there were so many moments that required weeping. My larynx KILLED, and I almost went into a shaky sob, but thank heavens I didn't. Whew. Go see that movie, though! I thought it was just about as good as the book.

Okay, now for some happy tears. Em and I spent the most wonderful and lovely afternoon with Grandma and Grandpa while I was down in UT a few weeks ago. Holy smokes. Just pulling into their driveway made so many happy memories come to me. Road trips up from Cali to visit them. The peach tree. Hiding in the Teepee. Rolling down their hill. Sliding down their stairs. Learning how to drive. Toast. Skittles on the coffee table. Tight hugs. Sweet kisses. A million happy memories that definitely warranted happy tears. Except for the part when we had to leave. Those were sad tears. I loved our visit. Seriously, check out the world's best and most adorable grandparents:

Long-winded Marie

PS. All this crying should make me tear-free for at least five years, right?

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